Dear Obama, I Need A Bailout!

Published on May 3, 2009 in newspaper

Dear President Obama,

In light of recent economic bailouts, I ask that you and Congress grant my own personal bailout for my upcoming birthday.

I, like many others, struggle day to day. With this Congressional and Presidential birthday gift, I would directly stimulate the economy by redistributing that money to: college professors, WalMart and Brookshires’ employees, electric utilities, cellular phone workers, automotive mechanics, the housing market, gasoline corporations, household appliance makers, computer vendors, XBOX, Playstation, Mercedes-Benz, lawn and tree trimmers, maid and butler services, fitness gyms, music and movie entertainers, and even restaurants since I would treat all of my friends to dinner each night. Since you bailed out the upper-class elite, will you please bail me out? After all, my birthday is coming up!